In Saturday’s paper there was a story about the ACLU taking an interest in the Jesus Statue Simulated Blowjob case.  This is going to cost the county shittons of money.  I can’t believe that Bill Higgins (our District Attorney) is taking the moral high ground here despite the fact that he, as a married man, fucked a woman other than his wife in our brand-new several-million-dollar courthouse what happened to be equipped with, er, security video cameras.  VIDEO cameras.  Like, that’s how we know he did it.   Source He also copped to the charge, on the record.  And he said he was sorry.  We re-elected him after.

Our District Attorney is an ass.  The county is full of redneck idiots.

"I guess I should take solace in the fact that the liberals are mad at me - again," Higgins said Thursday on his Facebook page. "As for this case, this troubled young man offended the sensibilities and morals of OUR community. … His actions constitute a violation of the law, and he will be prosecuted accordingly. If that tends to upset the ‘anti-Christian, ban-school-prayer, war-on-Christmas, oppose-display-of-Ten-Commandments’ crowd, I make no apologies."   Source

Apparently the sensibilities and morals of OUR community are A-OK with our District Attorney engaging in videotaped marital infidelity in the courthouse but NOT OK with stupid fourteen year old kids behaving inappropriately with a concrete statue and posting pictures of same to Facebook.  Poor judgment is apparently only wrong when you’re not the District Attorney.

Besides, didn’t that Jesus fellow allegedly say something about casting stones?  Maybe?

For your reference and mine, let us look at the book of John in the New Testament.

KJV, JOhn 8-1:  

1Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. 2And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. 3And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, 4They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. 5Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? 6This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. 7So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. 8And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. 9And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

I think we could maybe learn a lot from this story.



i hope that, wherever my hair ties go, they’re happy. that’s all that matters


Hairtie life cycle:

1.  Hairties are purchased and used as intended.

2.  Hairties get left on the coffee table.

3.  In the dark of night, hairties migrate to underneath the stove and underneath the fridge.

4.  My cats lounge about uselessly pretending to be innocent regarding the Great Hairtie Migration




You cannot buy electronics with food stamps. You cannot buy cigarettes with food stamps. You cannot buy pet food with food stamps. You cannot withdraw money with an EBT card (food stamps).

Do you know what else you can’t buy with food stamps? Shampoo, soap, laundry detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, tissues, tinfoil, plastic sandwich bags, toothpaste, cleaning products, tampons, pads, over the counter medications (such as Tylenol, Ibuprofen, etc.), and anything else you can think of that you cannot physically ingest for nutritional purposes.

Do you know what you can buy with food stamps? Food.

Do you know what it’s like to scrounge for change to buy non-edible necessities, use a credit card and EBT card (food stamps) during the same transaction, and then have the person in line behind you judge you for buying the ingredients to make a birthday cake?

People who disseminate false information about food stamps have never had to use food stamps.

Okay, but let’s talk for a second about how that one lady called turkey “big chicken”

You can’t even buy all food with food stamps. You just… you flat-out can’t buy “food that will be eaten in the store/any food sold for on-premises consumption” or any “hot foods” with food stamps—meaning you can’t buy anything hot, you can’t buy anything that gets blended together, you can’t buy anything “pre-prepared,” in most cases you can’t use your EBT card at restaurants. You literally CANNOT purchase a milkshake with food stamps, because it’s considered “sold for on-premises consumption” (which was ridiculous at the place I worked, because the customer had to mix their own milkshake themself with a little machine we provided them, and several people got upset—rightfully so, I think—that it wasn’t covered under food stamps, because they often only found out at the register after already mixing it, often as a treat for their kids). You literally can’t walk into a gas station, grab one of those hot dogs off their grills/out of the little heated food area, and buy it with food stamps, because it’s hot.

And when I say “can’t,” I don’t mean “if the cashier notices you trying and cares enough to stop you, they’ll refuse to do it for you.” I mean “it is actually impossible to do this.” I’m not even sure these people who disseminate false information about food stamps have paid any attention at all when buying things at the store, because what happens is: We scan in the customer’s items, into our computer. The computer has specific codes for the items and rules for what it will let you pay for things with. We scan the customer’s EBT card, and it tells us exactly how much of that price total can be paid for via EBT, and it will not include anything that isn’t food, and it will not include anything considered “pre-prepared” food. It does this automatically AND THERE IS NO OVERRIDE FOR IT. If our machines say that you can’t use the EBT card to pay for something, there is literally nothing we can do to change that, even if we WANTED to.

So no. You can’t buy iPads or cigarettes with food stamps. You can’t withdraw money from casinos or anywhere else with food stamps. You can’t buy dog food with food stamps; sometimes you can’t even buy people food with food stamps. I’m not even sure if you can buy “the big chicken legs” at Disney with food stamps; remember, you can’t buy “any food sold for on-premises consumption” OR any hot foods, and that’s both.

Literally the only thing these fearmongers listed that you can actually purchase with food stamps even if you are in goddamn cahoots with the evil liberal cashier or store manager is soda, and the judgement against people buying that with food stamps is classist fuckwittery at its finest.

So, as always, Fox News is actually flat-out lying, and hateful conservatives both don’t know what they’re talking about and don’t give a fuck about people going through shit that they will never have to go through themselves, and that they in fact don’t have even the tiniest clue about (not even via five seconds’ research; a list of things that can’t be purchased with food stamps is on the Food and Nutrition Services website) but still think they should spout off about to their TV audience anyway.

All of this is true.  You can’t use food stamps for things-that-aren’t-food and you can’t use food stamps for pre-prepared, eat-there food.  What people who have food stamps do when they want to buy things that cannot be bought with food stamps is this…

1.  Go to grocery store with money-having-person who wants cheap food, isn’t above a little fraud, and has actual money in cash.

2.  Purchase the food items that the money-having-person wants, say, in the amount of $40.00.  If questioned, explain that the money-having-person is your cousin visiting for a few days and ‘helping’ you shop.

3.  Leave the store with the money-having-person.  Hand food items to money-having-person, take in exchange cash money in some amount LESS THAN the food stamp value you “spent”.  So, if you put out $40.00 in food stamp money, you might get $20.00 in actual money from this transaction.

And that, boys and girls, is how heroin addicts transform food-only EBT card credits into twenty dollar bills that can be used to buy heroin.  (Typically your EBT benefit isn’t anywhere near big enough to use to buy an iPad with.  Mostly, food stamp recipients are desperately poor and need, y’know, food.  But some of them are addicts and this is how I have observed actual addicts get money from their benefit cards.  Half-off-face is the going rate of exchange for food-stamps-to-dollars in my area.)

More equestrian questions
  • What do you consider “jumping high” for yourself?  2’6”.  Horse could easily do 3’ but I’m chickenshit.
  • What are your short term goals for riding? Do you think you’ll reach them? Flying changes of lead on demand.  Better halfpass.  Probably next summer.  Oh, also I’ll be starting the 4 yr old under saddle next summer.  That will for real get done.
  • Long term goals for riding? Do you think you’ll reach them? I’d like to be a better trainer.  I’d like to have equitation that doesn’t make other people cringe when they see it.  I’d like a sitting trot that doesn’t suck, extensions and collections, and piaffe.  Maybe someday…
  • How many barns have you been at in your riding career? 3, maybe?
  • How many different trainers have you been with in your riding career? two?  I’ve never had a “trainer” for my horses.  Either they were already broke and stayed that way or I broke them myself.  I’ve taken formal lessons under two people and done clinics under a couple more.
  • Ever worked at a barn? What did you do?  Not exactly.  I start unbacked horses under saddle for the place I board at, though.  
  • Scariest thing that has happened at your barn? Martini (horse) had a bungie cord stuck around her leg so that the lower section was all swelled up and was weeping.  She wouldn’t let us touch the leg. Very scary.  (We got more people and got it off of her and she’s fine now.)
  • Have you ever given a lesson? What level was the rider?  Unfortunately, yes.  Riders were green as grass, could maybe identify the horse in a lineup of farm animals.  I don’t have great high level skills so can only offer stuff to beginner kids.
  • What is your opinion on the accuracy of critiquing riders online?  It’s easy to look great or like shit in a single picture.  Longer video helps a lot.  Also, I have seen pretty-picture riders who don’t have any ability to actually stay on a horse.  I’m more interested in your functional ability on horseback.
  • What is the ideal height of a horse for you?:  My current critter is just under 14 hh.  She rides bigger than she looks and you really have no idea how fun she is until you get on her.  I like critters up to 14.2 but over that they just seem… unwieldy.
  • How old is the youngest/greenest horse you’ve ridden? We don’t ride things that aren’t four years old yet.  So, 4 or 3 and 10 months or something.  I have started horses under saddle from “never worn a saddle” and given them rides #1 through about 30… so pretty darned green.
  • How old is the oldest horse you’ve ridden?  Mid-twenties, probably.
  • Were you scared of horses when you first started riding?:Not at all.  I was eleven and immortal.
  • Would you say you’re a more nervous rider or a confident rider?  I’m more nervous than I used to be (older, don’t bounce as well) but also I am more capable and more observant than I used to be.
  • Biggest pet peeve about non-horse people around horses? They pet my horse on the face and it irritates her.  A lot.
  • A time you’ve been scared for your life? (horse related) Fiddler (4 yr old I was breaking) put me off all of a sudden in the hayfield.  (A dog had come up behind him and scared him.)  I hate coming off and always dread it, even when I can pick a spot.  But he caught me by surprise and it was not one of my better landings.  *sigh*
  • Have you ever fallen off at show? What happened? Yep.  I was 12 and saddled my horse myself.  She blew out her belly and so then the saddle and I slid right down her side.  Oops.
  • What’s a breed of horse you’ve never ridden but would like to ride? I admire the people who ride warmbloods, but they’re so huge.  I’d probably be terrified.
  • Describe the worst behaved horse you’ve ridden? I haven’t been on that many that were horrible.  Mostly they were just green, or I was green.  Nick (my current riding horse) broke three sets of reins and put me off on the hard road a number of times before we got it sorted, but she’s much better now.
  • The most frustrating ride you’ve ever had?  Finding haunches-in by myself on my untrained horse without the benefit of instruction or experience riding same on a trained horse was a real process.  But that’s recent.  Leads (telling which one I was on, getting one, asking for one) were a real struggle, too.
  • Does your horse need shoes? At the moment, yes.  She’s got a gravel on her left front that’s going to take a year to grow out.
  • What do you think of the barefoot vs shoes debate?:Do what works for your horse and situation.  If what you are doing is not working, change it.
  • Favourite season for riding? I like early summer (pre-bugs) and later fall (post-bugs) but any time the ground isn’t frozen solid is fine.
  • How many shows do you think you’ve gone to?  Enough to know that I don’t like showing.
  • Do you consider yourself a good rider?  Not all the time.  Mostly I think I’m kinda intermediate.
  • How experienced do you think someone needs to be to own a horse?  More than many first-time buyers have.  You can have less experience if you have a good support structure (trainer, riding instructor, barn full of helpful people, family or friends who are very experienced).
  • Credit to theunaveragebaby on tumblr, from whom I stole this

So, this is in my hometown, or near enough.  I graduated from Everett High School, back in the day.  There are a couple of problems here with this bullshit case that is wasting MY TAX DOLLARS.

Problem the first:  The youth in question is fourteen.  Fourteen year olds make piss-poor decisions.  This is patently obvious to anyone who’s ever met a fourteen year old.

Problem the second:  We do not know for certain how Jesus felt about giving head.  The Bible is not particularly forthcoming on the subject of Jesus’ personal feelings regarding blowjobs.

Problem the third:  Regardless of Jesus’s actual feelings about performing oral sex on men, I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t rank the imagined feelings of a badly-sculpted concrete representation of himself above the real life of a living, breathing (though undoubtedly-flawed and possessed of judgment so poor it might as well be nonexistent) human being.  I mean, seriously, if you take the gospel truth as, y’know, The Gospel Truth, Jesus was an innocent (divine) man who died horribly, slowly and painfully and wrongfully, on behalf of all mankind.  When you look at it that way, a little fake blowjob posturing on a statue of oneself isn’t even in the top twenty as far as “sins of all mankind”.  If adults who fuck six year olds can have the forgiveness of Jesus, probably fourteen year olds who pretend to facefuck sculptures can also have the forgiveness of Jesus as well.

Problem the fourth:  If one’s religious beliefs are so weak that they can be shaken to the very core by a fourteen year old kid’s crotch in the face of a statue, then perhaps one’s faith ain’t worth shit.  How is desecrating a venerated object even a crime?  It’s not like permanent damage was done to the statue.  (I drive past it on the way to YBC for construction lumber.)  It’s effing concrete.

I realize that this is, according to the books, a crime.  It’s a bullshit crime, but it’s a crime.  A bigger crime would be sending the kid to jail for two years.  Or any years.  Give him some community service and let’s all go home early.  I cannot believe my tax dollars are being spent prosecuting a juvenile who thought forcing statue Jesus to “suck his cock” was a facebook photo-op.

Added note:  Was the friend who took the picture also implicated?  I mean, camera angle and stuff strongly suggests that this was not a selfie.  Do we have an accessory-to-desecrating-a-venerated-object?

Finally, if it was my own personal statue of Jesus that belonged to me and was in MY yard, would this be prosecuted?  How about if I bought a Jesus dildo (do not laugh, they make such things) and took pix of an oral-sex nature with my lawfully-purchased Jesus dildo?  Enquiring minds want to know!  Courts, forget about all the real crimes and please, weigh in on these matters of desecrating venerated objects.

blog comments powered by Disqus